Dear Severus
by Severus-Toujours
Summary: A wayward owl delivers Severus Snape a curious, old letter. He opens it to find that it is from Lily Potter... a letter she never intended to send and written only a few months before her death.


A crazed and battered looking barn owl flew into the headmaster's office and landed in front of Professor Snape with a heavy thud. It turned its back to him and let the letter it carried fall to the floor before scanning the room and flying to a dusty corner where it began to tug at a bit of parchment sticking out beneath an old, empty chest. "Idiot bird," Snape mumbled as he made his way around the desk to pick up the letter. The envelope was dirty and old looking and the return address label was too faded to read. Across the room, the owl had finally pulled free what appeared to be a long forgotten letter, almost as rough looking as the one in Snape's hands. The owl twittered happily as if it had discovered a priceless treasure and quickly flew out of the window. Snape stared curiously after the bird for a few moments before tearing open the letter. His heart skipped a beat as he instantly recognized the handwriting… "_Lily_…"

_May 27, 1981_

_Dear Severus,_

_I am writing you a letter that I can never send. You have pledged your allegiance to Lord Voldemort and my heart breaks for you. To send this letter now would only bring danger to you and me both but, as you well know, writing is soothing to me. I like to think that in some alternate universe this letter would reach you… and that you would hear my voice in your mind as you read it. It has been so long, Severus. You know how very stubborn I can be. You have seen first hand, despite my easygoing nature, how strongly I can hold a grudge. Nevertheless, I want to tell you today that I forgive you. You should take the fact that I have been able to keep up my hurt and anger for so many years as a sign of how deeply I care for you. I wonder... gosh it brings me so much pain… I wonder If I had only forgiven you sooner, accepted your apologies, been a friend to you again… I wonder if I could have changed the path that you took. I wonder how that would have changed the path that I took. I think that I could have done it, steered you in a different direction. I know I could have. Do you know how I know? Maybe you don't see it yet, but you are a strong man. Your heart is gold— though securely guarded, as many precious items are— and I have enough confidence in this fact for the both us._

_I forgive you for the things that you said to me Severus but I shudder to think of the deeds you must perform under the rule of Voldemort. Though you may not show it, I know that it hurts you to be cruel and I know that it is simply a matter of time before something drives you back to the light. That said, I am still unbelievably appalled, disappointed, ashamed and disgusted that you let yourself go so far astray but for some reason I have this amazing faith in you. I cannot pinpoint exactly where it comes from but it certainly will not go away. You will do amazing things, Sev, amazingly good things (and humbly pass on praise you are well due, as always)._

_Anyway, I am sure you are wondering what inspired me to finally reach out to you again. As you must have heard by now, I have a son- Harry. Oh, I have never known such love. Such pure, untarnished innocence and potential. I wish that you could meet him; you'd like him. He is very much like me (although he is a spitting image of his father – except for his eyes, Harry has my eyes). Anyway, the other day I was painting a piece of pottery I made— and I must say, a pretty fine piece of pottery considering that I used no magic whatsoever! Well Harry started whining in his high chair so I went and got him. I brought him over to show him what mommy had been working on and he takes one of his chubby little hands and slaps it right off the counter where it shattered into a million little bits all over the floor (and he began to laugh hysterically at that!). Oh I was so upset! It was nothing that a little "reparo" spell wouldn't ordinarily fix but well, I sort of reserved pottery making as my purely muggle hobby (don't laugh!). Naturally I didn't stay angry with Harry long, he didn't realize what he'd done but it got me thinking you know… One day Harry will make mistakes and bad choices that wont be overlooked because of his innocence. I imagined Harry at an age where he would be capable of heart felt apologies and I just hoped that others would find it as easy to forgive him as I would… and then I thought of you. I thought of Harry asking me about my childhood— how could I talk about my childhood without mentioning you, Sev? How could I teach Harry to be forgiving and to see the good in people and on the same note explain how our friendship ended? I have such regret and let me make clear, it is not only because of my son and the new ways he has taught me to look at life. I miss you, Sev. I miss you so much._

_It is far easier to be candid knowing that I cannot possibly send this letter off. I can bring up things that I'm not sure that I'd have the strength or courage to bring up otherwise. I love my life. I love my husband and my son more than words can really say and that is why it scares me to imagine things differently. What if you had never said what you said or what if I had forgiven you sooner? Would I still see James as an arrogant git? Would you and I be married like we imagined as children? Would I be here writing you a love note, our son on my lap, while you are off brewing up a new potion in the cellar? You'd be no puppet to the Dark Lord, as you like to call him, I know that much. I also know that I would not have had the opportunity to fall out of love with you and make room for another. Do you know how much I loved you, Severus? Can you understand how much you hurt me that day? I never really lost faith in you (even now), I was so angry, Sev, so heartbroken. You turned on me, of all people! Your best friend, the one who let you sneak into her room to sleep at night when your parents fought, the one who safely held countless secrets, the person you could talk to about anything… The girl you confessed your love for only a few months prior... the young woman you kissed with such vulnerable passion and held with the strong yet gentle hands of a young man. How different things would have been…_

_Though my love for you has changed over the years, it has not faded. You were my first love, something that can never be erased or replaced. I'll be waiting for you in the light, Sev. Oh it is just a matter of time! I can't wait for the world to see why I believed in you so._

_Always,_

_Lily_

Snape carefully placed the letter on his desk, stood and cast the patronus that was to guide Harry to the sword of Gryffindor.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. I realize I've left it rather open ended. Please do imagine for yourself Severus's expression, feelings and next moves after reading such a letter. I don't think I could do it justice with words.<p> 


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